Yes I have been gone a very long time. All I can say is. “Hey, I’ve been busy!” How busy you ask? Well, new job and new baby on the way. That’s right. Baby number three is due in July. That’s how busy I have been. Baby number three seems to pose some serious changes in our lives. My main concern was being outnumbered. Wondering if my wife can handle a zone defense as compared to one on one. Then I remembered, I travel for work. She is the expert at zone defense. I’m going to need some serious help.
Another change is upgrading to a bigger car. We already have a small SUV. Now it is time for the ultimate choice. Bigger SUV or rock out the Mini Van? This seems to be one of the hardest decisions I am facing. The man in me says “Hell no we are not getting a van.” while another voice from somewhere is telling me “Hey its more economical than a large SUV.” I smacked that dude up and said “If I get a van . It’s going to be the baddest Van of all time.”
You can just hear the theme song now can’t you?
No idea if she is really into you or just want to be friends? Read her body language. Can’t read her body language? Just follow this handy visual aid. Even the densest of men can follow this guide. (then again I have seen some dense mofo’s that cannot take a hint.)
I don’t know if it is some kind of radar or if breast-feeding has brought my son so close to his mother that there is a telepathic bond between them. Somehow he always knows when I am about to try to get some “quality time” with my wife. I can’t even try the fake back rub rouse without him showing up. He could be in a dead sleep and the minute I reach out for her, he is instantly awake and crying for her. If he is playing in the other room with his sister and I lock the bedroom door to sneak attack her, he is right there banging on the door. I swear I thought some of my friends were bad, but my son is the BIGGEST cock blocker of all time. I need a more devious plan if I am ever to get some monkey love ever again.
We always hear breakup lines. Like “it’s not you it’s me.” and other total crap like that. I’ve heard some (ok a lot actually.) and of course used some. (once or twice.) If you wonder why you keep hearing these great lines and not that BS, it’s because you’re stupid and need to know what they are really saying. So here you go! Now get a clue and if you still can’t find someone special, do what my wife did. Lower your standards.
1. Turns out you have a “cool” nickname for each other, but not your wife/girlfriend.
or Dude Von Dudenston
2. You have EVER answered your friends call in the middle of “the sex.”
Nah man I wasn’t busy.
3. You have a long story about how the two of you met and became friends. That you tell to everyone.
4. You have a song. ok well you might call it an “anthem”, but still you have a song.
That’s not our jam!!
5. You spend more time getting ready to go out with you buddy then you did for your own wedding.
6. You have identical outfits.
If any of these ring true for you, then you my friend are in a bromance. If it’s the last one., then you need to tell everyone how much you like dick… and hair products.
As a kid I loved scooby doo. I watched it all the time. I even had the lunchbox. I thoughtr the scooby doo detective agency was right up there with the FBI or NSA. Now that I watch the old ones on Boomerang with my daughter I realized. The “bad guys” don’t usually ever commit a crime. As far as I can tell there is no federal mandate against putting on a costume and scaring people. I mean maybe if you walk into a bank like that. I am beginning to wonder if all my old favorites would seem just plain silly to me now. Time to stock up on redbulls and 5 hour energys and hit a 80′s cartoon marathon.
